Embarking on the journey of pregnancy as a same-sex couple is a beautiful, unique, challenging, and extremely joyful experience. Whether you’re an LGBTQ+ mom carrying your first (or third) child, or you’re a mama standing side-by-side with your partner through the journey of pregnancy, the experience is a profound and loving one — and it takes two to get there.
“We didn't get her. She doesn't have a dad. She has two moms: Mommy and Mama. We are both her real moms. We planned for her,” lesbian mother Casey Carey-Brown writes in a HuffPost article, “We spent a year trying to conceive her. A year dreaming of her, hoping for her. Through first words, first steps, tantrums, bad dreams, parent teacher conferences, and the agonizing public-school lottery, we are her parents.”
What better way to say it than that? And if you and your partner are expecting, but you're not the one carrying your bundle of joy, it doesn't take away from your part in the pregnancy. If this is you, we've put together nine of the best tips below for supporting your pregnant partner and preparing for motherhood.
How To Support Your Pregnant Partner While They Are Carrying Your Baby
1. Open Communication
The foundation of any healthy relationship is communication, and during pregnancy, it becomes even more so. You can create a safe space, both for your partner and yourself, where open and honest conversations are at the center of everything. For example, you could start by discussing your partner's feelings, fears, and expectations regularly and telling them about yours.
Pregnancy is an emotional time, and being attuned to your partner's thoughts and needs is a great way to connect strongly.
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2. Attend Medical Appointments Together
Sharing the experience of medical appointments? It can be a powerful yet simple way to strengthen your bond and support your carrying partner. Attend prenatal check-ups, ultrasounds, and other medical appointments together (there will be a lot of them.) This shows how much you care and allows you to witness your baby's growth together.
In both exciting and anxious moments, you can be there together.
3. Educate Yourself
You may think you know the ins and outs of pregnancy, but there is so much that can come with it that isn’t talked about in our society. As the partner not carrying, it can be important to take the time to educate yourself about the stages of pregnancy, potential complications and the birthing process. As a start, attending prenatal classes with your wife or partner will help you both gain insight that will prepare you for the upcoming arrival of your baby.
You can also start reading up on the emotional changes your partner is undergoing (which will help you support them on days when they aren’t feeling their best.)
4. Nurture Self-Care
As you probably already know, pregnancy is no easy feat. For the carrying mama, it can take a lot out of mothers, both physically and emotionally. This is your time to shine, though! Use it to create a nurturing, soft place for them to land and encourage self-care. You can even offer to share responsibilities, whether household chores or planning relaxing activities, that help her relax more.
Calm and relaxed = a healthy pregnancy.
5. Create a Support Network
Building a support network is essential for any expectant couple, but it becomes especially important for lesbian mothers throughout your journey. We recommend finding a way to connect with other same-sex couples who have gone through or are currently experiencing pregnancy — like through the supportive community at Gay Moms Club.
Join us online, where you can share your experiences, ask questions to other lesbian moms, and receive guidance from other women who’ve done the pregnancy walk. You won’t regret it.
6. Foster Intimacy
Intimacy is a beautiful, necessary human need. And during pregnancy, the need can be especially high for both of you. While physical changes are happening, it’s important to find ways to connect emotionally and romantically, too. Whether you run your pregnant wife a bath, schedule regular date nights each week, or set aside time for intimate conversations and cuddles, bringing in moments of intimacy and connection during pregnancy will bring you closer together than ever.
7. Plan for Parenting Together
Have you talked about your parenting journey ahead? Think about parenting styles, the responsibilities of each parent, how you envision raising your child together, and more. There is never enough of this kind of talk! A shared vision of motherhood together will help your partnership and make you feel seen and supported in your roles as mothers.
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8. Celebrate Milestones
It's no secret that pregnancy is 40 weeks of ups, downs, and everything in between, which is why celebrating milestones together is so special. From the first ultrasound to feeling the baby's kicks, each moment is special and something you'll cherish forever. As the non-carrier parent, it's a time when you can work on creating memories by making a scrapbook, taking photos, keeping a pregnancy journal, or even getting friends and family together to have milestone celebrations.
Pregnancy is unpredictable, and plans may need to change at the drop of a hat. To make the most of whatever comes, you can practice being flexible and adaptable to whatever may come for your partner, yourself, and the pregnancy itself. As you navigate unexpected challenges together, your relationship will strengthen, making you into the best mom you can be for your little one.
Remember: each pregnancy is a journey and unique in itself. As the non-gestational mom, you’re no less of a mother than your partner, and there are so many ways you can be close to your baby and strengthen your couplehood, too. It’s a beautiful opportunity to be a supportive and loving partner while the bun is in the oven and acknowledge how far you’ve come together to become the moms you’ve always wanted to be — and that’s cause for celebration.