Just because you’re already a mom or you’re in the planning stages of expanding your family doesn’t mean you have to stay behind when it comes to the lingo of lesbians. In 2024, there are so many terms — like for example, what exactly is a chapstick lesbian? What is a stone butch? What does #F4F stand for?
Some terms have been around for quite a while, while others seem to have come about with the rise of TikTok. Keep in mind: you don’t have to use labels or terminology if you don’t want to. But in case you’re curious, we think that knowing trendy lesbian terms can be a fun, understanding, and even silly way to connect with your lesbian girlies.
After all, according to one Slate article, “Having terminology creates community: If a word exists to describe something, the implication is that the concept is important enough to merit a term, that there’s a critical mass in need of this word.”
Even if trending terms seem goofy or not, the lesbian lexicon seems to be expanding, bringing new ways of self-expression and identity for all of us. Here are the seven lesbian trending terms to know about in 2024 (and beyond!) below.
If you’re a lesbian, these are the 7 terms you should know
1. Chapstick Lesbian
You may know the ‘lipstick lesbian’ but what about the chapstick lesbian? The term has gained popularity in recent years, signifying a middle ground between two well-known lesbian archetypes: the "lipstick lesbian" and the "butch lesbian."
A chapstick lesbian typically embraces a natural, low-maintenance look while still embracing being more femme. Think of it like a happy medium, for some folks who don’t want a full beat every day, but who also don’t identify with a more masc-presenting look.
2. Femme4Femme
Here’s another one that might throw you for a loop: Femme4Femme or #F4F. In the world of lesbian social circles, Femme4Femme typically means that a femme-presenting lesbian is either looking for a relationship with a femme, or that they are already in one. It’s sometimes used to find a date, or even jokingly, like in this TikTok.
Overall, if you see #F4F out in the wild, you can assume that it’s a term meant to celebrate femininity within the community. Who doesn’t love that?
3. Soft Butch
This one has been around for a while, but in case you missed it, a soft butch is a term that describes folks who embrace a more subtle and tender expression of traditional masculinity. For example, I once went on a date with a woman who described herself as soft butch, and when I asked her what she meant by it, she explained that while tended to present on the more masc side, she loved to also incorporate subtle femme things in her style too — this can mean different things for different folks.
Coined in the early 2000s, the term soft butch is still alive and well, for good reason. We should all be able to celebrate ourselves, no matter what we present as, and this term makes way for that.
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4. Queerplatonic
Think of queerplatonic as ‘I want to be with this person forever, but not in a romantic sense.’ This trending, queer term is a way to define relationships that go beyond traditional labels of friendship or romance.
Essentially, it’s a deep, intense connection between two LGBTQ+ people that surpass what society thinks relationships should go to — i.e. romance or marriage — and instead is a non-romantic life partner.
5. Non-Binary Lesbian
This one is for all of our beloved ENBY folks. As awareness and understanding of non-binary identities grow, the term non-binary lesbian gives the needed context that LGBTQ+ people can identify as both non-binary and lesbian, at the same time.
One great thing about the internet is that we can find like-minded folks who understand us. One commentor on this video said, “I’m a lesbian in a committed relationship with a nonbinary person. Doesn’t make me any less of a lesbian (and doesn’t change their identity either.) Here’s to acceptance, validation and a wonderful community for all.
6. Stone Butch
Again, another one you may be familiar with, but if not, here we go: a stone butch is a lesbian who identifies with a more traditional expression of masculinity. Stone butch has slightly different meaning than butch, because someone who identifies as a stone butch may like the giving aspect of intimacy with others, but not like to receive in that department.
Stone can also be placed in front of femme, too. It’s a way of describing what you’re into. One commentor even said, “stone femme to stone butch: we love you so deeply <3.”
7. Hey Mama’s Lesbian
Last, but not least, is the Hey Mama’s lesbian. This term, which rose in 2020 when TikTok began, took the lesbian creators by storm. Typically, a Hey Mama’s lesbian is one who wears snapbacks and hoodies, and often makes thirst traps on social media. More than anything, this is meant to be a fun and silly term in the community.